Many partners fail to recognize the sign of discontentment and unhappiness of their other halves. Most do not imagine that what seems like mere complaints could lead to unwanted divorce. This is the reason why most are left dumbfounded whenever their partners think of moving out, filing a divorce or ending the marriage. If you find yourself in this nerve-wracking situation, how would you react? Is there still a way to stop or overcome this situation?
If you are the partner who is shocked about your partner’s decision to file a divorce and you are eager to save the marriage, here are the 7 challenging steps you can try.
1. Keep calm and act
Announcement of divorce from your spouse is a distressing situation and can cause you great anxiety and distress. However, you must not let your feelings overtake you and try your best to be calm. In this way, you can rationally and properly think of the situation as well as the possible solutions and actions you can do. Think of it properly and make plans of actions you can do.
2. Stop the loser strategy
Playing the victim card as a response during the distressing situation is very easy. But making your spouse feel guilty with this strategy won’t really solve the problem even if they stop filing the divorce because there’s a great possibility that your partner will just stay out of guilt, not because of love. We don’t want that, right?
Therefore, we must radiate positive energy and start feeling like a winner in such situation. Just like in a business, think of your positive traits and use it for you and your marriage’s advantage.
Action speaks louder than words. Love is better expressed with proper affection and action. Let your spouse know how much you love him by simple acts of affection, such as serving him or appreciating his existence. This might seem simple, but small acts might make great impacts to most people.
3. Make a list of what needs to be changed
It’s easy to ignore or dismiss the shortcomings of oneself. However, not recognizing such things will take you nowhere and won’t help you to become a better person or partner in life. Make a list of all the complaints, disagreements and criticism of your spouse that you can still remember. Make this list as objective as possible. Once you have created this list, think and determine the cause and root of such actions and behavior in order to address it properly and as accurately as possible. This isn’t an easy thing to do, but once it is done, it will help you replace such habits with better ones and could lead to your improvement and betterment of your relationship with people, including your spouse.
4. Be the best version of yourself
Putting an effort on how you look, how you carry yourself and the confidence that radiates in you may be a great factor in preventing divorce and reviving the spark in your relationship.
Find your style and get a haircut that will boost your self-confidence. Give attention to your wardrobe; throw all your uncomfortable clothes and shoes. Picture how the best version of yourself will look like. If the picture on your mind is unclear, you can find inspiration from the people in your surroundings that you find attractive. You can also browse social media and use that material to update and figure out your own style.
5. Make peace with your past
Find out the factors and main reason why your spouse filed for divorce. Examine if there are unsaid misunderstandings and bitterness your partner carries. Make a list and enumerate the times your ex-partner recalls with bitterness and anger. Make your own personal list, too.
After you finish making a list, review the list and examine every item to find the misperceptions, mistakes or misunderstandings for each other. Both of you shall aim to acknowledge your actions that caused the problem. Set aside your pride and apologize wholeheartedly. After that, find out how to prevent doing those things again.
Mistakes are opportunities to learn. If your marriage is not in a good state, both you and your partner probably haven’t learned enough from each other’s mistakes.
6. Be confident
To keep yourself going, think of a mantra that will bring encouragement to your daily life.
If there are times that you feel like you don’t deserve being loved and need to change yourself for the validation of others, use a technique known as ”temporal tapping” which may help you change beliefs that are self-defeating. Temporal tapping will help your brain replace the negative thoughts that you have with positive ones.
Do the following techniques to increase your confidence and self-esteem.
7. Learn essential skills to be a good partner
You cannot just defend someone in court as a lawyer if you haven’t studied law in a law school. Yet we get the job of being a partner with just a very little training that we had. That is why in order to succeed in a partnership, it is essential to have the training to attain the skills that we need for this subject matter.
It is important to learn these four skills to help you sustain your relationship with your spouse.
1. Make an effort to understand each other
2. Compromise in making decisions
3. Don’t let anger from destroying your relationship
4. Spread positivity to each other
It is also recommended to read books, articles, or even join an online course that may help you learn these essential skills; a couple counselor may also be a great help. Make sure to pick the counselor who can teach you the skills that you need.